Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What Have I Got To Lose?

I went to the clinic today. I had made the appointment a few weeks ago with the nurse practitioner for a diabetes check up. I went in with two clogged ducts in my eyelids, one being infected, and an infected big toe. Why am I telling you this? Well, had I been an average person, these ailments would not have me worried so much. But alas, I have Type 1 Diabetes, which means that I do worry, and I am worried. An average person would have went in, got some meds and be sent on their way. Me? I left with 2 more appointments--one with a podiatrist, the other with an optometrist. Ugh.

I have had all sorts on infections in my past, but ever since being diagnosed two years ago, every single time I get any type of infection, I red flag them in my mind--especially when I get them on my feet. I am sure you have read all about my catastrophic dog bite. (If you have not, you can read all about it here.) When the doctor mentioned the word "amputation", I will not lie, it scared the crap out of me. Who wouldn't be scared? Now, every little thing that goes wrong with me, I think the worst.

I do realize that not everything is going to be life threatening, or even limb threatening, but my imagination has a tendency to run wild. And it does. Every time. I used to think I was invincible, but I have met a few people who made me come to terms with the fact that I, of course, am not.

Shortly after being diagnosed, a man became one of my coworkers. He had one leg. Everyone stared at him, and I, being the understanding person that I am, looked passed it, and he eventually told me that he lost it to Diabetes. Another man, who I have mentioned before, had a few of his toes removed, and then his entire foot. He eventually lost his life. It is so sad and so so scary to think about. I don't mean to frighten anyone, though. I really don't.

I know, that things like that happen to those who have poor control over their diabetes. People tell me all the time not to sorry so much because these are circumstances where their blood sugars were too high for way too long. Well, let me tell you, when I was bit, I had dreadful control, so it was definitely something that could have happened.

Now that I am in control (for the most part, at least) I am calming down a bit. I don't freak out over everything. Just over some things. Like my big toe. I am quite attached to it, thank you, and I would like to keep it.

Thanks for reading and thank you for your comments!


  1. Ahh, the thrills and chills of diabetes! It's definitely and up and down thing, Mary. I have issues with infection, too. Hmm, we both have diabetes, problems with infections, skin issues....

  2. I always take my infections seriously as well. I think to think of it as, WHY NOT? Why not take the extra care? I love my body parts and have grown attached to them :)

  3. I know it's scary, but you are going to be okay!! I absolutely remember being a teenager and lying awake at night thinking about how I wouldn't live to be 30 - and if I did, I'd have all sorts of complications. In college, I didn't test my blood sugar . . . at all . . . the whole four years.

    And where am I now? I'm 43 years old. I'm healthy. I have a good A1C and I have no complications at all. I've lived with diabetes for 31 years and the only sign (besides my busted pancreas) is one tiny leak from a blood vessel in my eye - something so minor that I just need to get it looked at every 6 months, and for the past two years my eye doctor can barely see it and is not at all concerned.

    So I'm living proof that you will be okay!! If I can do this, so can you! {{{hugs}}}