So it's Wednesday again and you know what that means? It's blog posting day! Yes, that is right. If you have not yet noticed, I have limited this blog to once a week and Wednesday happens to be the lucky day! Congratulations, Wednesday.
I see my dietician tomorrow morning. This is the first time in months that I am not looking forward to it. Last time I was there, she gave me instructions to keep the log and she recommended things to add to my diet. You might know, if you have been reading my blogs, that the log went out the window a little after the 4th of July. Forget about the diet suggestions. I can't afford the things she wanted me to eat. Not to mention she recommended milk. And I hate milk.
I feel so awful. It is like I am going to school the day a huge project is due, but it was a project that I never got around finishing. I am so ashamed. When she asks me how I did, I will bow my head in utter shame and tell her that I failed miserably. I won't even be able to look her in the eye because I am afraid of what she will say. I am going to have to try and prepare myself for the disappointment that I will hear in her voice.
Her reaction isn't the only thing I am worried about, though. You see, she is trying to work with me to figure out what me insulin to carb ratio is. In order to do this, you have to keep track of everything that goes into my body. I have to keep track of what my blood sugars are at least four times a day. Basically, I have to see what food is doing what to my body and my sugars. What I have written down would have been a really good snapshot. I had a good two weeks of information. The only problem is that the day I stopped logging was the day my sugars went bonkers. I should have kept it up but I just couldn't do it. All that work for nothing.
I could give her what I have, but what's the use? It has lost all relevance. Now I know what she is going to have me do. Start again. Start fresh. But the just means that I have been wasting months waiting for this appointment with nothing to show for it. Now I have to wait a few more months and hope that I can do it. Again. I hope I don't aggravate her too much. I understand how important this information is. I just hope that she realizes that I do.
Or maybe I could just tell her my dog ate it. Sigh.
Thanks for reading and the comments.