Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Love and Denial

When I started school in the Fall of 2010, things got even more interesting--and very hectic and confusing. Since I had been single for 3 years, I was hoping to land myself a boyfriend in school. That dream came true on my very first day. I was sitting on a bench outside on of the buildings and Troy came to sit down next to me. We started talking and have been together practically every day since. I started to spend every night at his apartment and we started drinking a lot. We had a lot of fun together, but little by little, my Diabetes drifted out of my mind. At first, Troy wasn't even aware I had the disease. I pretty much stopped taking my insulin and I stopped testing my blood sugars. As our relationship became more serious, I told him. He didn't know anything about Diabetes and nothing about what Diabetics have to do. Which I didn't mind.

This went on for months. I did manage to take my Lantus almost everyday, so that is all that Troy thought I needed to do. He just figured all Diabetics had to pee all the time. It frustrated him, but he got used to it. The longer this went on, the more in denial I went. Although I was expecting romance to take my hand and escort me out of my depression, it didn't. I fell deeper and deeper. I stopped going to doctor's all together. Everything just fell to the wayside.

After a while, I moved in with Troy and things started to change a bit for me. I found a new comfort in thinking that we were going to be together forever. I started to dream about our future. It made me happy but at the same time, I was worried. I knew I had to start taking care of myself and I told him that. He had no idea that I wasn't in the first place. The problem I was having was that I hadn't taken care of myself in so long, I fell out of the habit. This meant that I would forget--a lot. Too often.

A few times I would cry to Troy. Sometimes I would tell him I wanted to die. Sometimes I would tell him that I wanted to live--just not with Diabetes. I would warn him that I may not live that much longer. I imagine that I must have confused him and stressed him out completely. He stood by me, though. He was very supportive and I love him for that.

One night, a few weeks ago, I had a new outlook. I wanted to live, no matter what. I wanted to have children. I wanted a family with Troy and I sat him down and talked to him about it. I said to him that I was going to start preparing to have a baby. I reassured him that I wasn't expecting to have one very soon, but that it was going to be my motivation to take care of myself and my body. He smiled and gave me a hug. The next day, I called the doctor and made an appointment.

That pretty much brings everyone to where I am right now. Thank you for reading my story so far, and I hope that you will continue to come back and join me in my journey. If you wouldn't mind, please leave comments or questions down below. I would really like some feedback. Thanks! Until next time!

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on reaching that mindset and doing what's needed, no matter how tough it may be! That is the same kind of motivation that inspired me to finally start taking care of myself - the hope and love of finding someone to share my life with. The hopelessness goes away, and the D-Management became a part of my life again in order to ensure I was around. Glad you have found someone to give you that, and that it's looking up!